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“Rather than telling them, ‘just do as I say,’ you’re able to have a dialogue, respond, and be flexible.” “Sometimes a rule might not make sense,” Yip says. Kids are welcome to provide input and ask questions, though they don’t get the final say. “Kids feel safer in terms of knowing where the boundaries are and that they can trust and rely on them, and parents feel safer in asserting the boundaries.” Yet warmth and flexibility are also part of the equation.Īuthoritative parents - unlike their authoritarian counterparts - enforce rules, but not without discussing them and the reasons behind them. “It’s usually what ends up being most comfortable for both children and parents because it tends to reduce conflict,” Tausig says. Research shows it strikes the best balance. Most psychologists consider authoritative parenting to be the sweet spot between authoritarian and permissive parenting. You probably don’t want your child to have two hot fudge sundaes for dinner every night, Tausig says, but a parent who’s permissive across the board might very well let that happen. Permissive parenting can also force children to make too many choices before they’re ready. “If you’re always allowing a child to do whatever they want, they will never understand that in the real world there are consequences to their actions.” “The problem is there are no limits,” she says.

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On the plus side, that makes them very nurturing. “Permissive parents want to be their child’s best friend,” Yip says. Permissive parenting is the polar opposite of authoritarian. Also, kids who see their parents as bullies might take note and start bullying their peers, Yip says. Those raised with such strict rules might be more apt to rebel when they become teenagers. While kids might mind in the short-term, the parent-child relationship tends to lack warmth. “Children have to respect parents but parents don’t necessarily have to respect children.”Īuthoritarian parenting also lacks flexibility, because the overarching rule is, “It’s my way or the highway,” Yip says. The downside, however, is that “this kind of model only views respect one way. “Certain things, like wearing a seatbelt in a car or a helmet when you get on a bike, might not be negotiable,” Tausig says. It also makes good sense in select circumstances. On the plus side, kids whose parents take an authoritarian approach know exactly where the boundaries are and what the consequences of violating them will be. It’s the most traditional style because parents are clearly in charge and children are expected to fall in line no matter what.

If you’ve ever told your kids to do something “because I’m the dad ,” that’s authoritarian. Here’s what you should know about the pros and cons of these varying methods.

In recent years, however, parenting experts have coined a number of unofficial (and commonly debated) styles, including helicopter, free-range, and attachment parenting.

These categories stem from work by developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind, PhD, in the 1960s, but they’re still used by most psychologists today. Psychologists tend to focus on the four key parenting styles: At some point, you might just want to have a glass of wine and hide in the closet, which would mean acting like an uninvolved parent.” Or you might be so upset because a child broke a rule for the tenth time that you act like an authoritarian parent and take all their toys away. “However, as the day dwindles and your energy dwindles, you might find yourself feeling overwhelmed and tell your kids, ‘Do whatever you want!’

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“When you wake up and are full of mental energy, you might practice authoritative parenting, meaning there are clear rules and consequences, but when rules are broken we can sit down and talk about it,” says Jenny Yip, PsyD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the USC Keck School of Medicine and founder of the Little Thinkers Center in Los Angeles. You might find yourself shifting based on your child’s age, your child’s temperament, or even the time of day. Although psychologists and parenting experts frequently attempt to sort parents into neat categories, “I think very few of us fit into rigid buckets, and people can swing between the various styles,” says Jephtha Tausig, PhD, a New York-based clinical psychologist and clinical supervisor at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai Medical Center. If more than one of these approaches resonates with you yet none seems like a perfect fit, that’s OK. And yet others embrace a laid-back approach, allowing their offspring to make their own choices on just about everything. Others micromanage every aspect of their child’s life in an effort to keep them safe and set them up for success.

Some parents expect their kids to do exactly what they say, no questions asked.

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